Food Torture.

I read this quote supposedly said by Eva Longoria in the wake of her divorce from sports star whatshisface:

"I remember after my divorce, I was so thin and everyone kept saying how great I looked. It was probably the most unhealthy place I've ever been," she said. "So it was funny what people would see as 'healthy.' In my worst time, people were saying I've never looked better."

There's something witty and profound to say about our culture there somewhere, but I think I'll leave it alone for now. You know where I'm going with this.

It's kinda true, no? Not only about how people said she looked fantastic when she was wasting away, which they did, but in the aftermath of emotional turmoil, isn't the very thought of eating properly and caring for ourselves impossible? At least it is for me. This weekend, instead of celebrating the end of what was a fantastic globe-trotting year and welcoming in a new one full of excitement, I spent almost all of it punishing myself with the most accessible instrument of torture available to me: fooooood. But unlike dear Eva there, my particular brand of self-torture with food doesn't involve not eating it.

To say that last week didn't result in emotional hell would be an understatement. In a fit of Christmas Cheer, I decided contacting ex-boyfriend to see if we could just put this mess behind us and be friends was a good idea. Unfortunately, "let's be friends" translated very badly, even though the only language either of us know is english, and my little attempt did nothing less than blow up in my face like one of those can 'o worms, except the worms were lit on fire and covered in excrement.

I won't give you the play by play of the carnage, but after some of the shrapnel had died down I spent a solid 3 days becoming 'one with the couch' in front of the TV at my parent's house (did you know pop up video is back?!), and shoving garbage in my face. Ice cream - that's breakfast right? chips and dip? dinner of champions!! deep fried anything? GGGGIIIMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. ugh...mix that with some "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" booze time, and a little smattering of sleeping pill induced excessive sleep (i'm a pharmacologist! I'm experimenting!) and you have........... one complete mess of a person.

ANYWAYS...moving on. re-group is happening. enough of that shit. self-torture phase is over.... I promise now I will only torture myself with good things, like front squats.

Which I did already today *pats self on back*. I dug out an old workout from Ms. Muscles in the bottom of my gym bag and went to town on my quads. I tired pretty quickly, probably because I've filled my gas tank with nothing but sewage, but I front squatted anyway. While I realize the mirrors are there for a functional purpose, I sort of wish they werent there most of the time. No one looks good making their "one more rep" face...it's like, extreme constipation face.

In OTHER news (of the good kind), I caught up with an old friend who now lives in South Korea but was home for the holidays. She was regaling me with stories of cultural differences and general life in Korea. We went for mexican food, and almost went out for new year's (yes, I was going to drag my ass off the couch, I was looking forward to it actually, but then I couldn't get back downtown to party hardy :( ) It was great, and I look forward to having her back in Canada!

There was more I was going to write here, but I'll be damned if I can remember it now.

Hope you are having a lovely day wherever you are.

xo